Question for those of you who have lived with a significan other

[oly884]

Current situation, my girlfriend is living with me, makes sense not only financially, but we get along great, don't fight, bla bla bla...

Anyways, she's going through a tough time finding work, missing family, etc, and now wants to move out and rent a room from someone on craigslist (she's been searching a lot). She doesn't like having her own space, feels she's unorganized, etc. Keep in mind I should be moving out within a few months as I'm looking to get into a house.

She still wants to 'be together' and has assured me that our relationship is great. I guess I'm having some trouble really understanding why she thinks is a GOOD idea to move out. She doesn't seem to want to try and make things work with our current living situation, let alone just wait a few more months till we can find something a bit more roomy.

So, the question is, what's my fellow UY'ers take on this? Am I being irrational? Is it not a big deal for two people to live together, then move out but keep their relationship going?

[2ndGen]

......So, the question is, what's my fellow YT'ers take on this?

FAIL!!!! what the heck is "YT'ers"?

ok, i think you need to take it easy, be open minded, and prepair fo the worst. don't force anything, but more importantly, don't make a baby at the same time.

[oly884]

......So, the question is, what's my fellow YT'ers take on this?

FAIL!!!! what the heck is "YT'ers"?

ok, i think you need to take it easy, be open minded, and prepair fo the worst. don't force anything, but more importantly, don't make a baby at the same time.

Well, that shows how attentive I am at this point.... haha thanks.

Oh, I'm fully prepared for the worst, the simply fact that this is already happening tells me a lot.

[Erich_870]

I can say from personal experience that if she thinks she needs to move out, you won't be able to keep her if she doesn't.

I lived with my now wife back in college and we had a couple other roommates and it was TERRIBLE! I know you two are living together without roommates, but when our lease came up and the owner wanted the house back, I had to tell her that I couldn't live together anymore. She had to find a roommate off a bulletin board and man was she PISSED! It looked rocky for us for a little while, but the truth is that we wouldn’t be married today if I hadn't insisted we not live together. I guess I'm saying don't assume it means the end of you two if she wants her own place right now.

Erich

[oly884]

I can say from personal experience that if she thinks she needs to move out, you won't be able to keep her if she doesn't.

I lived with my now wife back in college and we had a couple other roommates and it was TERRIBLE! I know you two are living together without roommates, but when our lease came up and the owner wanted the house back, I had to tell her that I couldn't live together anymore. She had to find a roommate off a bulletin board and man was she PISSED! It looked rocky for us for a little while, but the truth is that we wouldn’t be married today if I hadn't insisted we not live together. I guess I'm saying don't assume it means the end of you two if she wants her own place right now.

Erich

Right, I'm not trying to stop her from moving. However, I feel that it really is a knee-jerk reaction to some tough times in her life and I want her to make sure that she is really thinking this through. I've tried the "two people should be able to get through tough times together, not apart" but doesn't seem to work.

[04 Rocko Taco]

David, this is a toughn time, and I think I have to say I am on your side here, I can't see how moving out is going to help, if she is trying to find her own space and have room to be organized, is living with anyone else really going to be different than living with you?? And if she is having trouble finding work, it seems to make more sense to work through current living situations rather than try to find something new, I dont think it means the end of a relationship, but not only her, but I think you might need to take a hard look at the direction you guys are heading if tough times seem to be a factor in driving her away from you....

[CJM]

Dont see how moving out is gonna help really, irrational if anything.

Honestly, knee jerk reaction and let her stew over it for awhile to make sure she wants to do it.

If she is jobless how does she expect to pay for said rooming btw?

[slosurfer]

First a couple things. Tony that was a nice catch on the YT'rs comment. Second, Erich, you kicked your woman out.

Oly, does she have her own friends?

[oly884]

David, this is a toughn time, and I think I have to say I am on your side here, I can't see how moving out is going to help, if she is trying to find her own space and have room to be organized, is living with anyone else really going to be different than living with you?? And if she is having trouble finding work, it seems to make more sense to work through current living situations rather than try to find something new, I dont think it means the end of a relationship, but not only her, but I think you might need to take a hard look at the direction you guys are heading if tough times seem to be a factor in driving her away from you....

I don't see it either, but as I told her, if that's what she really wants....
I've also told her to not get down on herself so much about not finding a job, it's tough out there right now. And you're exactly right, I have been looking at this from a bigger perspective, I've tried to tell her that what happens 1, 2, 5 years down the road if we are together and you go through something similar, will you feel you 'need to move out'? What if we're married? What if we have kids? There are a lot of times in your life that you simply HAVE to deal with uncomfortable situations.

Dont see how moving out is gonna help really, irrational if anything.

Honestly, knee jerk reaction and let her stew over it for awhile to make sure she wants to do it.

If she is jobless how does she expect to pay for said rooming btw?

And that's exactly what I'm doing, I just had to share with you guys to see if I'm looking at this rationally. As for the money issue, she's got enough saved up to be fine on her own for a long time, I still don't think it's smart, but that's not a big concern of mine.

First a couple things. Tony that was a nice catch on the YT'rs comment. Second, Erich, you kicked your woman out.

Oly, does she have her own friends?

She doesn't have her own friends, she moved out here about a year an a half ago so all her family and friends are back on the east coast. I know that's a factor, and we've even talked about her going back home for a while instead of just staying in seattle and moving out of my place. I personally think going back home for a while would be better for her than trying to move in with strangers here. Not only will that be a safer bet (never liked the idea of living with strangers), but at least she'll have friends and family to talk to.

At this point, all I'm wanting now is for her to make up her mind. I'm not thrilled about her moving out or going back home, but at the same time, it is starting to affect 'us' and something needs to be done. If it ain't meant to be, it ain't meant to be, I'd love for it to continue to work, but sadly, it doesn't always work that way....

[2ndGen]

She doesn't have her own friends,....

i'd give it more doubt. girls ALWAYS have girl friends whom are "easy", whom always telling them about life shouldn't be that tough on the hot ones. i.e. they sould never pay for dinner and drinks that kinda thing. your GF may not believe what they say, but there's alway that voice behind her ears telling her she doesn't deserve this. that may confuse her while going through the tough times early in her life specially without the trusty parents around her.

i don't know how you difine "the worst", but i'd make sure you have the financial ties cleaned up, use protection while you two are still together. absolutely, positively make sure these 2 things don't happen:
a.) you end up paying her car payment.
b.) she come back a year later telling you have been invited to be on the Maury Povich Show.







my 0.02