Question for those of you who have lived with a significan other

[Small_words]

I've only been married a bit over one year, but am now 32 and during my time in the military I went through a ton of girlfriends because I'd be home for 3 months and gone for 2 with a few days warning sometimes. Not too many girls liked me disappearing before birthdays and getting a telephone call from Nigeria a couple weeks later. I learned a lot from this however.

You're right to say you can't keep her from going and I understand you don't want to prevent her from doing this. She has to recognize that you're better together than apart and that she loves her life with you. I had some problems when I first got married because I had a lot of independent/adventure times in the military and didn't realize that I loved being with my wife more than I enjoyed going to Honduras with my crew. Your girlfriend might be having the same issues. It took another long trip without her to realize that I was not the same anymore. Don't prepare for a breakup because that's going to set your heart against her and a breakup will happen. Love her and continue your relationship as close as possible to what it was before she moved. Also, don't ever remind her of this in the future because it's not that you were right and she wrong, but she needed to appreciate what she has with you. Sorry for the ramble but it's not a simple subject.

[slosurfer]

Sounds like with no friends and no job, she may just be feeling that she has nothing for herself or her own "space". I don't mean "space" as in you're hovering over her, but in the sense that at this point you are her "life" and with no friends, job, or her own place, she has no "space". Also, she may be feeling that she has no identity at this time other than you and the two of you. At least with her own room, she will have something that's "hers".

I don't know if it's the smartest thing for her to do right now, but I don't think it has to be the end of you guys either.

[callmej75]

To me Oly...take this with a grain of salt...but if she isn't willing to stay with you thru the tough times in her life, then she really hasn't thought over how life is supposed to be in a relationship. You work together and get thru things together.

My opinion, she has things goin on in her head that she wants to do and doesn't want you to know about it. She doesn't want to ruin your friendship together, but she is pulling games on the relationship.

Call me a pessimist, but I see it as a realist's point of view....err on the bad and expect the bad and act like it doesn't even bother you. Don't ask her why she is doing this, just let her go.

There are too many questions unanswered at this point. Why would she do this jobless? No money to pay rent? Soon or later, roommates require more of you and you seem like a burden. With you, she has no burden. So why is she doing this? Back to my previous statement...I believe she has some tricks up her sleeve and wants to get out and accomplish these "tricks."

Now...go get a beer....ogle at other good looking women....and go forth with your own life! If she doesn't want to be a part of the bad, with the good, then so be it!

[Small_words]

Justin, by saying "It's over if you move out" is essentially the same thing as what you're accusing her of, giving up when times get rough.

[callmej75]

I knew I was gonna get some bad feedback from that one....LOL

Name is Jeremy.

I am the realist....she is not finding happiness just being by Oly's side? She needs to find her place in this world? She probably has the man in front of her face and doesn't realize it. Women like this tend to fade more than stick to their man.

Oly has the ultimate decision.....we are just here for input. I can only analyze what he is going thru by my own dealings with the situation. Been there? yep....toooooooo many times. I am really notta jerk neither? Learned from it? Sure did!

There is that very small percentage that wants to find that happy place in the world. Kudos to the women who did stick to their guns on this one.

Oly is a confused individual right now....and like stated above in someone else's post, always expect the worst. It's a good defense mechanism that works in some situations to bounce back from something catastrophic to the ego us guys have sometimes.

I too have served the military and met lots of women around the world. I have done my homework on this...lived it and have a great woman by my side now.

He is not essentially giving up...but we are preparing him for what MAY come his way.

[waskillywabbit]

I too am a realist. No where do I see any "love" mentioned. "Relationship" "get along great" blah blah blah

Infatuation? Familiarity? Comfort? Love? Unless you love her and cannot picture yourself living without her...move on.

Been married 16 years come this Friday.

[callmej75]

B that's right....

I am going on 3 yrs at almost 34 yrs. old...

I don't know whether or not this is appropriate to say congrats B!?

Oly....you're pretty young man. live the life, but know what you have lived and learn from it. It's all learning!

Ok I am done with my psychology presentation...

[RunnerUp]

if you do find a house and move in while you two are not living together... build a man cave, have LOTS of guy time and flirt with the local talent (flirtings good for everyone) i feel your pain on this one...

i would er on the side of "if you love them, let them go, if they return, they were always yours."

dont do anything definitive, but take the approach of "whatever makes you comfortable" and roll with it, take this as a clue that you might be back on the market soon so dont throw away any great girls while you are trying to hold onto this one, ive made that mistake way three times in my life... granted im young but still...

either way, in a few months everything will have worked itself out and then you will look back on this and be like "what was i so worried about?"

[oly884]

Some more clarification/update.

Yes, I do love her and definitely see myself wanting to spend the rest of my life with her, both of us have talked about our future together. The starting of this thread was not about what to do, but rather, is my line of thinking, not in line. I felt (and still feel) it would be sill that it is silly for two people who love each other, and enjoy living together, to move out because one person is going through a bit of a rough patch. When you really think about it, not being able to get through times like those, together, is very telling about whether a relationship could last through family deaths, children, money problems, etc. That is the way I look(ed) at it, and I think that she finally started to understand my concerns. It's not that I wanted out, or that I want anything, at all, to happen to us, but like you guys, I'm a realist, and if we cannot get through tough times while living together, then what makes someone think that moving out, temporarilly, will help?

With that said, I appreciate all the comments. She has decided to stay here, and continue to live together. I do see a need for her to have a more defined "space" as such, I am turning a spare bedroom into a "her space" set up another computer, desk, chair, etc. So, if she feels the need she has it. I'm going to do whatever *I* can to make her feel comfortable and give her the space she needs. I cannot stop her from moving, but I can question the reasons for it and hopefully, with those questions, at least get her to understand why I feel the way I do.

[paddlenbike]

Sounds like a good choice Oly.